Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies

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You guys HAVE to try these Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies!! Don’t panic! You can omit the chili powder if you’re hesitant but it actually amplifies the taste of the chocolate!

Kieran and I had one the craziest weekends of our lives last weekend. Have you ever been so overwhelmed you feel like your only recourse is to mouth-plow an entire batch of brownies? OK, before I tell you about these amazballs Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies, I’ll tell you about last weekend.

OMG, wait until you hear what happened to us…

SATURDAY – The Wedding:

Kieran and I volunteered to work a wedding for extra cash. Our job consisted of setting up the buffet, replenishing food containers as necessary, breaking down the buffet, and helping with garbage. Prior to the wedding, the bride informed me we didn’t have to cook, all the food would be ready upon our arrival. Knowing we didn’t have to cook was a relief!

The bride’s parents held the wedding and reception at their gorgeous estate in the woods of Washington. The kitchen was bustling with activity when we arrived for our shift. We asked how we could help. The bride’s family took Kieran outside to help set up tables. The bride’s sister handed me a knife and instructed me to cut vegetables. The bride handed me 2 packages of soba noodles and a hand written recipe.

“I need you to cook this noodle recipe. Multiple the recipe by 10 so it will feed 200 people,” the bride said.

Panic set in. First of all, I’ve never cooked for 200 people in my life! Second, I’ve never cooked for a wedding. Third, I was in another woman’s kitchen having no knowledge of where she kept anything. Forth, the bride’s family and friends packed into the kitchen to socialize with each other, hence I couldn’t move 2 feet without politely asking someone to move. Therefore, I felt overwhelmingly stressed.

The bride’s sister sensed my alarm. She encouraged me by saying I needn’t worry about making a mistake. The bride and her sister were extremely nice and relaxed people. They laughed and told me if I fucked up the food they would order pizza. The bride’s sister, bless her heart, produced a large glass of white wine for me to enjoy.

I took a deep breath and owned up to my new responsibilities. I delegated recipe steps to a cute kid who wanted to be my helper. The sister and I worked together to get the soba noodles out of the pot when they finished cooking. We found small colanders in the kitchen but couldn’t find a normal sized one. If we poured the entire pot of noodles into the tiny colander, the majority of them would have spilled over into the dirty sink. We devised a system. She poured some of the noodles into the colander and I would rinse them with cold water. Then, I dumped the noodles into a large bowl once they were cool.

I didn’t notice a sharp knife was resting next to the sink when I was rinsing the noodles. As a result, I pricked my finger and started to bleed a little. I turned the faucet on to rinse off the blood. The sister laughed and said, “Fuck it, NO time. The guests will have to suffer with your blood.” That knife was a cocksucker, she cut her finger on the same one earlier that day. I laughed then plunged my hand back into the noodles to finish tossing them with cold water.

The sister taught me how to set up the buffet once we finished cooking. The wedding ceremony started at 5pm. Once the ceremony started Kieran and I were responsible for clearing off the hors d’oeuvres table, laying picnic blankets around the yard, and setting up the buffet.

I can’t wait to tell you about the Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies, but the story is just getting good…

At the last minute, we learned the bride didn’t want dogs at the ceremony. We completely understood her reasoning but we didn’t know WE were responsible to care for the dogs, all 7 of them. A wedding guest told us the dogs had to be kept inside the house while we set up the buffet outside. Additionally, some of the dogs didn’t get along. Not only did we have to keep 7 dogs inside, we had to kept the ones who fought, apart!!

Picture it. Kieran and I carried HEAVY containers of food outside to the buffet. I had to rest the containers on the porch railing every few feet because they were so heavy, otherwise I would have dropped them! Each time I entered or exited the house, the dogs pooled near the door vying to get out. I had to gently nudge the dogs out of the way with my feet while carrying the heavy containers in and out of the house! It was impossible to keep the dogs inside let alone keep them from fighting!!! Some of dogs were able to sneak outside because someone, without our knowledge, propped the backdoor open. Kieran and I would wrangle one dog inside the house to discover another one slipped out the back door!

Finally Kieran and I got a handle on the situation. We finished setting up the buffet. All 6 dogs were safe inside the house. Wait, 6 dogs!?!?! Where was the 7th dog??? Horrified, we turned our heads to the buffet table.

THE MISSING DOG JUMPED UP ON THE BUFFET TABLE AND WAS EATING THE BBQ BRISKET!

Kieran and I SPRINTED towards the buffet table screaming, “NO! NO! BAD DOG! BAD DOG! GET DOWN!”

Have you ever noticed when you tell a dog to stop eating something, rather than listen to you, the dog starts inhaling the food at break neck speed? The dog saw us running towards him and wolfed down the meat as fast as he could. Luckily the dog didn’t eat all the meat but he got a good mouth full. To add insult to injury, the kid who helped me in the kitchen witnessed the dog fiasco. He told anyone who would listen what happened with the meat. I informed the kid it may be a good idea to keep what happened under wraps, after all, we didn’t want to upset the bride. The boy dutifully nodded then immediately told the next person he could find. FML.

The rest of the dinner service went off without a hitch. The guests, and most importantly, the bride were happy with dinner. After dinner Kieran and I broke down the buffet, washed dishes, and collected garbage. We agreed to work 8 hours and it was approaching quitting time. I was becoming agitated at this point because wedding guests kept telling me different things. I would collect garbage and someone would say I could stop. I’d stop picking up garbage and another guest would frantically ask why I wasn’t helping to collect garbage. Obviously everyone was trying to make the bride happy. I understood but felt crabby due to the lack of communication.

Finally, a guest asked me to cut the cake. I already set up forks, plates, and napkins for the cake but didn’t know they expected me to cut and serve it! Shaking my head, I said no. I wasn’t comfortable cutting the cake, besides, I had a mound of dishes to finish from dinner. Admittedly, I felt guilty for saying no but due to the extra work asked of me, I was exhausted. 8 and 1/2 hours passed and we finished all the tasks we were responsible for. Kieran and I made the executive decision to call it quits and the bride graciously said OK.

The sister handed Kieran an envelope stuffed with money before we left. The bride and groom gave us an additional $40 for the extra work, we were grateful. The bride was STUNNING in her wedding gown and we sincerely hopped our help made her day even brighter.

Kieran and I drove home reminiscing about the craziness we just took part in. I looked at my ring finger to examine the cut I suffered from earlier. Miraculously the wound looked almost healed! Who knew soba noodles held the magic touch! My eyes gazed upon the cut then traveled to my wedding ring. A diamond was missing. We burst into hysterics.

The wedding party and their guests got to feast on my blood, sweat, AND diamonds.

Almost ready to tell you about the Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies!!!

SUNDAY – The Backpack:

The backpack story is shorter but crazier. Are you ready for this shit?

I was in the kitchen making our weekly salads for lunch while Kieran busied himself in the yard. Kieran discovered an abandoned backpack stuffed into our bushes. He looked pale when he walked back into the house, like he’d seen a ghost.

I asked Kieran if everything was alright. He solemnly told me to call the police. Kieran searched through the backpack in hopes to find someone’s identification. He found a gun instead.

We felt shaken up about the gun but worried more about who might come BACK for the gun.

5 hours later the police arrived to haul the backpack away. The gun turned out to be an airsoft gun, which is a step above a bebe gun. I don’t care how dangerous, or not dangerous a gun is. It’s still freaky to find a gun in your backyard.

As a result, I think it’s time for us to update our security system and get a fierce looking dog.

SO, after the stressful weekend shenanigans I was REALLY craving chocolate. Sometimes you have stress only brownies can help alleviate.

Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies are OUTSTANDING. The recipe uses more sugar and fat and less flour which results in a fudgy, not cakey brownie. If you’re religious it’s seriously like heaven in your mouth.

You can omit the chili powder if you’re nervous but I encourage you not to! A small amount of chili powder amplifies the taste of chocolate. A small amount of chili powder lends a rich chocolatey flavor without the heat. I used 1/2 teaspoon of chili powder but feel free to use less. Your tongue experiences the faintest tingly sensation after you take a bite. It’s pretty cool.

True confession time – this is the first time I’ve made brownies from scratch. Can you believe that? I took one bite and thought, Christina you’re an idiot, why did it take you so long to make this deliciousness? After tasting the Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies I vowed to never make boxed brownies again.

You can mix your dry ingredients into the same bowl you melt your chocolate in. Which means you won’t have to clean a ton of prep work dishes afterwards. Speaking of dry ingredients, most brownie recipes call for dutch processed coca powder. I don’t know what my problem is, but I can NEVER find decently priced dutch processed coca powder at the store. I used Hershey’s Special Dark Coca which uses a blend of natural and dutch coca. It worked the same.

If you don’t devour the Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies in one day, zap them in the microwave the day after. The microwave softens the brownies to make them ooey and gooey for your sweet tooth pleasure!

I baked my brownies for 40 minutes. They were firm on the outside yet tenderly soft and fudgy on the inside. Next time I’m going to try baking the brownies for 35 minutes. I like to undercook my sweets to make them ooier and gooier.

Finally, this is the recipe to try if you’ve never cooked brownies from scratch. Ugh, we’ve eaten all the brownies since Sunday and I’m literally dying for more. So, back to the kitchen I go!!! Chewy Chocolate Chili Brownies, here I come!!!!!

Thanks for stopping by,

Christina